Domestic Goddess

Domestic Goddess

Terry confirmed that I am a Domestic Goddess yesterday, even though the floors need to be cleaned, there are toys all over the living room and the laundry is piling up. I made a mean chicken vegetable soup for dinner last night and the dishes were all clean. There has to be a give and take with this sort of thing, I really like having a spotless house, it makes me feel calm inside, but I also enjoy spending time with my family, it makes me feel complete inside. So I try to work on a balance, some domestic chores here and a little bit of family there, and hopefully I get to feel a little calm and a little complete inside. So when I asked Terry at the dinner table whether I was a Domestic Goddess or not he looked up smiled and said, “Yup” right before smacking his lips on a spoonful of soup. The smacking would have been confirmation enough but I did love the enthusiastic, “Yup.”

So here is a smattering of domestic and family for your weekend enjoyment.

Right Now … actually last week … we ate our pineapple. Remember the pineapple that we brought back from Hawaii? Well it ripened last week and we ate it. That was hands down the best pineapple I have ever eaten; sweet, juicy and perfectly ripe.

She brought it in and only stabbed her head a couple of time with that big spiky topper.

Right Now … well not quite now, at the end of November … my cousin is going to have her first baby. My cousin Kimberly and her husband Mike are expecting their first child. The doctors have said it will be a boy and they have decided to name him Zayden. My Sister, Mom, Grandma Jean, Emi and Allison all caravanned to Indio CA to celebrate our family getting just a little bit bigger. Kimberly’s sister Michele hosted a baseball themed party with hot dogs, nachos and peanuts. Baseball cards were laid out on tables and pennants hung from the ceiling. We played some very amusing baby shower games and I was a big winner in the “Nursery Rhyme” mad libs. All of the reading comprehension finally pays off and I got a reusable cup with straw and Starbucks single serving VIA Refreshers. That’s right! I’m already using them at work.

Right now … we went to Disneyland for the Fall Decorations. I just love the Fall Decorations at Disneyland, well I love fall decorations anywhere really. It reminds me of my wedding and I had a really good time at my wedding. Allison rode the Haunted Mansion and actually got a little bit scared. I know! I thought nothing scared her but the dim lights and the spooky music got to her this time and she snuggled her face down into my armpit, only peeking out occasionally and then ducking back under when a ghost popped up. She is growing up and noticing things around her more, which is also why she had such fun watching the California Adventure Pixar Play Parade. The floats have water jets that spray the audience while bubble machines crank out a steady stream of bubbles out onto the parade route. She was mesmerized by the characters; she waved and clapped as the passed on the street.

Check out that GIANT pumpkin!

First time on the teacups, she was so excited and then the cup started spinning. I think she likes watching the cups spin more than spinning in them.

I actually know these people! Cool huh?!

Dill Pickle flavor, quite possibly the best popcorn flavor EVER!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Pensive Thoughts

Normally I am very happy on this blog or talking about a happy event that I was involved with, and while I like to remember my life as one lovey day filled with laughter and harmony that is not always the case. In fact I consistently trick myself and purposefully look back on my memories with rose colored glasses because as I have often stated “it is much too much work to stay mad at someone; it is easier to remember the good”. With that being said I am going to dip into the pool of melancholy that has descended upon me these past few days and swim in it for a bit. Since you are a captive audience I feel completely confident that I can do this on my own public forum. If you feel that you do not want to take this dip with me feel free to stop reading but please come back next week because I will be back to my upbeat and happy post loving self.

There are so many reasons to be grumpy or unhappy or just plain sad. I had to go to work today. I had to go to El Segundo today. I have to deal with people that are always demanding things of me that I just don’t care to do. Then I find this charming little nook set up under some shady trees and I feel good. Everything in this world will work out because the world was created to hold little nooks and big shady trees, not office buildings and deadlines. Those are things that humanity has created; the reality of life does not depend upon how much money I make and how many times I can complete a work task. I live behind a façade made up of money and work. The trees do not need to earn money to have a home but I need to earn money to have a one.  So for my lunch break I will enjoy the fine weather here in El Segundo, because we are mere blocks from the beach, and hopefully this feeling of peace will float along with me until the end of my work day. When I go back to my desk I will put on “Atlas” by Coldplay and hit repeat. The soft melody and simple lyrics may blend together with the clack of my typing fingers and the hum of urgent phone conversations coming from my neighboring cubicles. I will still be confronted by my own thoughts but for a short while I will enjoy the wind in the trees. But there are still reasons to be sad.

I use the word melancholy because in the Merriam-Webster dictionary the definitions is “a pensive mood” which is perfect. I have been in a state of sad thoughtfulness with a hint of hope. I have been wrestling with my own perception of others and what they are really trying to communicate. I am the common denominator (as my husband likes to remind me) in my own life and if I am unhappy with something I should change it but what if I am not unhappy with something? What if the problem that is coming up really is not a problem for me? If the people around me are upset, have I done that? Does that make me a thoughtless or a heartless person? I see an issue but if I do not have the same level of emotional connection to it as someone else does, what do I do? I have the ability to immerse myself in empathy for others but if I just don’t see the issue as a problem does that mean I do not care about the person?

I also know that I don’t like it when others around me are upset; I tend to dwell on the problem and look desperately for a way to fix it. Look up my last blog and you will see the personality test that I took. It was right, I am constantly trying to fix and control the people around me through “good advice” and a listening ear. I hate to feel that anyone around me is upset, especially when they are upset with me and most especially with they are close to me. I am still having trouble adjusting to my new position at work because of this very same personality quirk. I constantly feel inadequate because I am ill prepared to complete tasks that are presented to me. That is not to say that I cannot complete them it just takes me longer then some (and by some I am talking about the people in charge, I am not going to single any one person out because realistically I need a job and who knows who reads this) would expect. This pressure to complete perfect tasks in a timeline that I realistically cannot meet makes my entire body vibrate. I have a physical reaction to a mental dilemma; my hands shake, I get a headache and my toes get numb. What is going on?! On top of that lovey side effect I do turn in work that while on a majority is correct and well executed there are a few small mistakes. When one or two small mistakes add up over the days and weeks and months they become a large mistake that is hard to ignore. I used to be very particular about what was turned in but now I hit send and belatedly realize that I forgot something. The constant pressure to have projects that I have never worked on turned in early has ultimately brought down the quality of my work. Quantity has gone up and quality has gone down. With all of this being said I know that I am the cause for upset amount people around me at work. I don’t want to be that person and these are people that I am not close to at all. They are not people that I value for friendship but I am still dedicating energy to them.

When I move on to the people that I do care about and I want to spend energy on what happens there? I never want someone that I love to feel small or left out or unloved. That is the worst thing possible in my mind and so for me is the worst thing possible to do to someone else. What happens when someone I care about is upset about something and I do not understand why they are upset? I love to be empathetic and a friend chameleon! If I am stumbling on an issue then does that make it my responsibility or does the other person need to communicate more effectively? How do I learn to hear them and what they really want to say? Many times I feel attacked when really they are not trying to start a fight but rather they are trying to express their frustration. Although I can intellectually see this on paper when I am typing it, there is a big difference when confronted with someone that continues to contradict every sentence that I say. So I have been wrestling with these and a few other brain teasing issues this past couple of weeks. I want to be the best Mom, Wife, and Friend that I can be but sometime I just feel that I am falling short. I think this week I will steel my nerves, open my ears and understand past the tone of others to hear what they are really trying to tell me because no matter what happens in this life the world is here to hold little nooks and shady trees. I want to turn back and remember without so much rose tint and know that things are bright and beautiful, that I am lucky to be alive and thankful for my life. 

Contemplate your life and existence but at the end of that make sure to open your eyes to the shady trees and enjoy your life!

Jenn

ESFJ - what?

ESFJ - what?

Right Now … I took a personality test today. I found out that I am an ESFJ (Extroversion, Sensing, Feeling, Judging) aka Caregiver aka Provider. It was pretty much spot on. I went to a couple of different websites to decipher the meaning of these random letters that explain my personality and here is what I got.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ESFJ (wikipedia)

http://www.personalitypage.com/ESFJ.html

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp (test)

Most of the explanation was eerily correct; well I guess someone very smart and well versed in their field set up the test so it should be somewhat accurate. I was especially drawn to the “areas that could use growth” or let’s call them what they really are faults. Everything in my life that I have a problem with is directly related to one of these faults. It was like looking in a mirror with really bad lighting, you know those dressing rooms that have horrible blue lighting that is set in the mirror and makes you look sick and shadowed in all of the wrong places.

I really like some of the tendencies of my personality; for example “genuine interest in the well-being of others”, “a want to understand other points of view” and “serious about their responsibilities” [wikipedia]. Then as I move on down the page it explains that my unrelenting need for approval and personal interaction can lead to “ [a] strong need to be liked, and to be in control”, “often adapt their manner to meet the expectations of others” and “driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends” [personalitypage].  This is pretty much all true. I need, let me say that one more time NEED, to have approval and interaction with others in order to live. I watched “Cast Away” and “I Am Legend” and the scariest part of both of those movies was the fact that they were all alone. I bawled, literally heaving and gasping for breath when Wilson was lost and Sam died. I know that many of you probably cried in those parts as well but I almost missed the rest of the movies after those scenes, it seemed as though everything afterward was just inconsequential. I would not make it on my own. I need to be surrounded by people; I need to feel the energy that others give off. I love sitting in a crowded place listening to the buzz of conversation and feeling connected to a great living breathing moment. That is why I cannot get enough of going to Disneyland. It’s not just the brightly painted buildings and real life cartoon characters running around, it is the energy from all the people enjoying themselves. I can literally feel myself getting lighter as I breathe in the atmosphere, like I am breathing helium. So check it out and try the test for yourself. It might be very enlightening.

This is me when I let my need for approval take over, hmm ... and I married and introvert. Oops!

Right Now … it is 9.11.13 and this is 12 years after the terrorists events that occurred in New York, Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania. My Dad and I went to a Dodgers game that day and in honor of the many heroes from all of the first response organizations the LA Sheriffs, Police and Fire Department were present at the game. They participated in a ceremony to honor the heroes prior to the start of the game. Many of you will remember exactly what you were doing on that day and how you felt. It is important to Never Forget and the ceremony was a good reminder. Taking advantage of the fun time at a baseball game to remember what happened helps to put things into perspective, our freedoms are a gift and a luxury that we should cherish always; it is good to remember in times of joy and sadness. We are Americans.

Right Now … My weekends are starting to fill up again and that makes me very happy. (Of course it would! Read the part about my personality test again.) Two baby showers, a wedding, Disneyland, 30 Seconds to Mars concert (OMG!!! I can hardly wait!!!), a Family Day, and the Halloween Party. That doesn't even begin to get into the Holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just love diving into this season with crafts, parties and plenty of opportunities to dress up my baby!

This is probably the best way to describe me and my husband. Guess who's Kirk? 

April, are you reading this? This makes me think of you. : )

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Jenn